On the wandering mind and the adventures of broader interests.

On the wandering mind and the adventures of broader interests.

Since I was a child I liked to do many different sorts of things, from music to writing and reading and living in the fantasy worlds created by guidelines as laid down by games and books for a short while while I read or play their contents.

Beyond that I have had interests in the natural world, in the plants and the bugs from the most basic to the most advanced. I have at risk of annoying neighbors studied many of these fauna and flora (my lawn is full of strange plants that appeared, but also nice flowers.) I also have attracted the attention of rabbits and groundhogs that eat the dandelion greens and flowers when I let them grow. I also leave long bits of grass for birds to use to build nests which could annoy some people. I have had robins my first year here and then this year I had doves.

Recently ravens have shown up among the crows I have been working to befriend with food. They help me deal with the local rodent population before they get to my yard. There is this big load of empty space around me where rats hung out and occasionally get forced out by people finally dealing with the problem... I found out a place that a few rats got in my house was this big hole they left in when they rebuilt the bathroom after I guess the previous tenant wrecked it?

Also reminds me I need to get a new pump for the toilet, I really hope I can afford that. It would be veeeeery nice. I should do some serial or model checking, do some measuring and figure that out today. Making a note of it and embolding this text to remind myself.

I hope my work leads to at least a $70 a month income for the server and e-mail service cost. $120 a month would cover all the other costs and then I can say I broke even at least on monthly expenses. I'll keep putting anything I can afford to into this and work every day at least some. I have been making certain to maintain a constant steady pace of work with Geruterra(Mewsli) and never go away from it too long. I spend the time away from it making sure it's useful for the project like some kind of obsession.

The last 6 months I have been working to fulfil a promise to my wife and to myself. I decided I would get us a demo up and out the door all proper like with web design and a nice designed itch page to boot. (Geruterra.com) I have a schedule kind of worked out but it is a loose one. I am more adherent to getting stuff done for milestones in my issue system but I try to build the issues around the scheduling... some things do end up taking longer than expected but that's fine because I would rather they work well rather than just kinda function.

This is why the map had 4 redesigns until we settled it on iso tilemaps with a paralaxxed  system so you can see cloud and other layers in the background.

Anyway the wandering of my life has made me seem perhaps quite unfocused? I learned a lot of strange things from a lot of strange places. I learned about electrical engineering and how some chemicals work, I learned about shape and form and animation and how exaggurating faces can make people laugh, learned about how certain notes played together sound sad and some sound eerie and some sound happy and you can build chords from them to make these sounds for your own reasons. I learned about timing and rhythm and breath control and finger positioning and posture. I learned about martial arts and the strength of the body to heal from injuries. I learned about bygone eras in my youth when I used to explore abandoned buildings. I also learned about fear and fighting for your life, I laugh now but... it's surprising I am alive. I am amazed every day lol. Anyway...

Like I said the meandering nature is all part of how I learn and process information. This stuff, all of it is notes. Reminders to myself mostly. If you, reader(there's a reader, all of my friend is here!), find any use in this I am grateful. If I somehow scare or offend you I am sorry, I just write whatever comes to mind here. I don't expect anything to be too weird but I do have a very broad range of interests and it is a matter of time before something I do bothers somebody in some way if there are enough people that show up. This of course assumes that some people do in fact show up.

I've been writing this stupid massive wall of text since I started really focusing myself on trying to extract a career from these skills.

You can probably crawl it and find the parts where things get rough, you can see where I hurt myself doing something or where my hardware goes bang or where bills rise and whatever. At least that is what I wanted to do with this thing, though sorting it will be a bitch I'd wager.

Marijuana has made me rambly but it also has made me more honest with myself about things, well that and art, instruments, etc. I don't really make art for others so much and that makes me worried about going out into the world lol.

I want to be a wise person, but I know it is impossible. I became a hermit to seek something of an idea who I am and what I am to do. I sacrificed a lot and I am sorry for those who have suffered watching me. Moreso for those who stayed with me through it, even moreso for my wife who had to be IN a lot of it with me.

I guess I made sure she knew long before she moved in with me that she would be in for a strange life with me and she still saved up the money and came anyway. Here we are, wow over a decade now of being apart no more than a few moments a day and still doing alright somehow. Grateful for that. Also the friends and few family members that stood behind or beside me through shit over the years, especially those who stood in front of me when I started to lose it a few times.

I appreciate what I learned and how I learned it. I am sorry for a lot of the things I learned hurting people but I would have hurt others if I had not learned it there. Some things you don't realize until you look back, hindsight being what it is.

There are many I can never appologize to directly, those that I can no longer contact through any means I know. Some of them died, some of them I lost contact with over the years when I went into self-exile.

I know I am being a bit dramatic about my hermit-like lifestyle, but I really only talk directly to my wife, occasionally my mother and once and a while one of my brothers. Sometimes I speak to strangers about this or that but nothing more than what words need be shared are ever shared.

This place is where all that crap bouncing around my head ends up.

It's a dev log for projects and personal growth I guess? Sort of like a journal. It has survived some shit. We lost a lot of pictures back in the day though I may be able to restore a few from old backups... I hope. When I have time I will have a look.

I learned a lot with it and from it. It has been a great tool in figuring crap out. I'd like to believe I made a lot of progress here. You could even call it therapy I suppose?

Ew, that makes it sound like a live journal. No thanks. Also I don't like to be political here, actually I wont be as long as I can help it. Politics make things angry these days and I don't like angry things around my projects. These things are for me to learn, mostly. One thing I learned is politics get ME personally nowhere unless I absolutely must involve myself for some reason or another. Even then I wouldn't use this as the place for that. This is about other things... and don't give me the "everything is politics" shit please, I don't have the energy for it anymore. I got better things I would prefer to do.

Things like writing inanely about things that I am thinking about in this weird blog so I can sort through my thoughts later.

Though I guess if I was to give anyone ANY advice, mind you I am a crazy person, see This entire blog for evidence, and anything I say might just be a madman raving.

  • Shit's gonna suck sometimes, either it'll pass or you'll adapt.
  • Take breaks. You'll kill yourself.
  • Water & Tea > Soda
  • Work on things that are important a little every day at the VERY least. Even if it's just organizing thoughts.
  • Anything can teach you something new.
  • Nothing is boring if the person explaining it is enthusiastic and charismatic.
  • Funny is better than sad.
  • You'll be sad sometimes. Be glad you can be sad, if you can't something is wrong.
  • Being sad is the only way you can really understand what it is to be happy.
  • Embrace the differences in things and people, there's much to be learned and experienced. These things are most important I find.
  • If you CAN travel, do. Do it as much as you can.
  • If you can travel with everyone you care about all at once, that's probably the best life.
  • You get what you pay for, this is free advice.
  • People will hurt you and not mean to, sometimes they do it because they care and they don't know any other way, sometimes they mean well and didn't realize it would hurt.
  • People need to figure shit out for themselves. The context of all of this changes depending on the reader's experiences.
  • Mystery is good.
  • People are probably mostly good, albeit often misguided. Even you and I, strange right?
  • Don't become zealous about anything, understand why people may not like what you do and also understand that some jokes just come from a place of some people trying to find the funny in everything.
  • If you don't laugh, you cry.
  • It's usually okay to do both. Don't laugh when someone dies though, the cops will be looking at you VERY closely because of training yourself not to cry by laughing at things...
  • Again free, no getting mad at me if you go and do something dumb because of how you interpreted my mad scribbles.
  • Make something creative everyday, even if you doodle or write on your phone when you are in the bathroom or something.
  • Eh, probably do something else, you read this too long.
  • I should also do something else.


All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
-- J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

(Some people I know may not know, strange, I know. You know?)

Addendum; I need more research on balancing the soil with my bug-based additives in such a way to prevent any potential molds that could grow. As it turns out there is no mold issue in high sun. The peppermint should hopefully grow alright in a few spots around my place. The shade is a double edged sword.

Addendum 2;

It worked.

Need a toilet pump assembly, well valve anyway.

Robot or human?